they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
