If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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