Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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