SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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