I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
