I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
