I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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