We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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