just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
