woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
