Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
