mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
