naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
