i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
