Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
