guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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