She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
