cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
