Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?