just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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