i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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