he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
