i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
