Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Actions speak louder than pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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