Don't you send me to vm
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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