If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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