How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize