i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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