Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
