She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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