Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My liver just had a heart attack.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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