So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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