can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
