So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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