mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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