then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
