I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
