Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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