I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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