I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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