Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
