yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
