i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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