I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
