He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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