All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
