last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
