Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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