dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you inspire me to be a worse person
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
