I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
