Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My ATM looks so different sober.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I deserve this hangover.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
