It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
