i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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