Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night I used snow as a chaser
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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