its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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