Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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