In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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