EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
