cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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