Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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