His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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