No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
