In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
