so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize