pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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