Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
