hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
