After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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