I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Randomize
