I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
