you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
