She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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