You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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