Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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