Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
