hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
