Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
