he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
