I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
