He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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