Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
