I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
